Facing fear

It has been a long while since I posted anything to my blog, and nothing at all on my triathlon journey so far, some of you have seen the photos and a quick summary of my Bring on the Bay 3K Open Water Swim, but unless you are an Ottawa Triathlon Club (OTC) member, you would not have seen my race report.

So here it is, a “race” report and summary of my triathlon journey so far.

First though here is the short report:
Time 1:23:20, M40-49 34/35, overall 198/209

Now the long report with a bit of a back grounder:

I have had a fear of the water since I was very young, 2 near drowning experiences as a pre-teen and teen and 1 close call while rafting as an adult.

I’m not sure when or why I decided to do triathlon, but I knew I was going to need some help.
I started my triathlon journey in 2011, I attended the OTC swim clinic and Triathlon School, but did my swim training on my own.  I entered the early bird try-a-tri and had a panic attack at 75m, I managed to finish, but it was not a pleasant experience.  That made me decide to sign up for the OTC summer program for the open water swims.  I entered the super-sprint at the Canadian and although I had some nervous moments, I was able to use the cloud counting to get me through it.

Knowing I still had a long way to go, I signed up for the OTC swim program in the fall on Monday (with coach Sean) and Saturday (emerging swimmers with coach Geordie), somewhere along the way I decided to enter Bring on the Bay, again no idea when or why, but I registered.

My goal for this event was to finish. I was certain I would be last, that I would likely be cloud counting a fair bit and that I might have to hang onto a kayak or even stop and ask to be taken to shore.  The idea was to go as far as I could comfortably and to be ok with whatever that happened to be on the day.

“Race” day:

I arrived about an hour and a half before the start of the race (before registration even opened) as I wanted to get my stuff, get settled, go through some visualization and feel ready to go.

I ran into lots of OTC folks, chatted a bit, grabbed my timing chip and headed towards the water to get my wetsuit on.

I ran into Luc, one of my Monday morning swim program mates, so we helped each other get into the suits and decided to do a warm-up together.  During the warm-up Luc decided to go wayyy out there (from my perspective), but I cut it short and headed back to the dock to work on settling my nerves some more.

As the race announcer was doing the countdown, I was surprised by how calm (relatively speaking) that I was, maybe this no time goal, no expectations thing was working.  With about a minute to go, I floated over to the start line, made sure I was as close to the back as possible and flipped onto my back to relax until the gun went off.

The lower the countdown got, the faster my heart was beating and I was really beginning to question if I should even start, what made me register, why would I want to swim this far or for this long, but before I could act on those feelings, the gun went off and race instinct took over, I flipped onto my front and slowly started trying to find my rhythm.

My focus was on counting my strokes and breath, making sure I did my sighting at regular intervals and staying settled and in my comfort zone.  There was some very minor contact as folks tried to find their best line for the buoys, but nothing compared to the simulations in the OTC swims (Thank you OTC!!)

In my mind I had broken the race into two parts, out to the turn and from the turn to the yacht club, that was too long of a milestone to focus on for me on the day, so I broke it down to each buoy.  As I swam along my mantra was, just swim to the next buoy and then you can decide if you need to cloud count, call a kayak over or quit.

There were times when I couldn’t see the buoy due to the choppy water, or when the wave slapping the side of my head annoyed me, but I was able to go back to the teachings of Coach Sean and Coach Geordie and just focus on my stroke and breathing counts, wait and piece together the picture on the next sighting.  I had to do a double-take on one of my breaths when I swore I saw 4-5 pair of legs sticking out of the water...not something you usually see in triathlon or any open water swim I am aware of...but then I remembered the Synchro swim club pictures from previous years...phew, not hallucinating...back to the breathing counts.

There were a few times where I got bumped by the folks in the second wave who were passing me and I kept reminding myself that no they were not doing this on purpose just to annoy me or get in my head, they were simply swimming along like me, some sighting better, some not as well and I did my best to just settle back in, but I did have to switch to breast stroke to recover from a few of those.

The breast stroke became my new settling strategy, whenever I couldn’t piece together the buoy picture, I’d switch to breast stroke, find the buoy, correct if necessary and swim on.

I managed to swim the whole distance, no panic attack, no cloud counting, no hanging onto a kayak.

In the final stretch to the finish, I was sure that my goggles had started to leak, it wasn’t until I took them off at the top of the ladder that I realized it was actually my tears filling them up. 

Standing on the breakwater looking back ad what I had just done, I was overwhelmed and trying not to break down to full on sobbing, thankfully I spotted Trina (OTC member) with her beaming smile and that whole grown man crying scene was avoided.

With the help of Coach Sean, Coach Geordie and MANY of the OTC members who believed in me long before I thought this was possible I was able to overcome a childhood fear and have realized that the swim leg will no longer be the limiting factor in my triathlon journey.

Thank you to everyone who has supported and encouraged me along the way!!

To my triathlon and multi-sport friends both inside and outside of the OTC, who offered not only support and encouragement but also shared experiences, tips, techniques and who were willing to meet up for training in the open water leading up to this event. I will never be able to adequately express just how helpful you all were or how grateful I am to you for everything, you were a huge part of this accomplishment and I look forward to sharing this journey with you as it progresses!